Bharati Vidyapeeth University of Pune
“I Have Seen Places Where Stupid Things Happen”
~ Oscar Wilde on BVP,Pune
“I was born intelligent, but BVP,Pune fucked me”
~ BVPian on BVP,Pune
About a thousand years ago, people used to go to on Himalayas to pain themselves, and returned with the supreme knowledge, and a boon. Today, they go to BVP,Pune. The difference they are cursed and know nothing.
Contents
[hide]
* 1 Origin
* 2 Motto
* 3 Department of Workshop
* 4 The Department of Redundancy Department
* 5 Greatest Strength of BVP
[edit] Origin
BVP was established through a special act of Parliament. The act was not acted upon and was suddenly passed in the year 1857, just after the Sepoy Mutiny in Meerut. The Britishers were really angry over this, and they decided to establish an educational institute where no education was provided. And hence by this special act, also known as that "The Goddamn Act of 1957", BVP was established. There are some true rumors also that, a neighboring country of India, is providing financial aid to the university.
[edit] Motto
The motto of BVP is looto. Looto is a word extracted from the Harrapan civilization, and surprisingly is the most uncivilized word and a practice in India. It means "to extract even the last drop of blood, by frustrating the people". A similar policy was used by Draculas, to suck the blood of people.
[edit] Department of Workshop
The most powerful department in the university is the Department of workshop. Most of the people from that department are found driving an auto-rickshaw after the college hours. This is a matter of pride, as auto-rickshaw is the national electronic transport vehicle of India. In 1769, when Netaji was killed by a bomb planted in his auto-rickshaw, the government decided to grant this status to auto-rickshaws. So sad !!! Well, you must have noticed, that i have been writing things about everything here, but the department of Workshop. This is the same technique that we ha ha ha, its nice and fun to fool others use in our semester exams lol, it is really interesting. Because this makes the topic appear very very very very long, and there is a good probability, chances, percentage that the person who checks the answer sheet, also called as a professor or an assh0le, sometimes, will give us high marks, just because he is too drunk to read this much lengthy answer.
[edit] The Department of Redundancy Department
Introduction
Also known to outside world as the Department of Computer Engineering and Information Technology ( Humph Humph, can't they have two seperate departments! ). This departments is s headeds bys a persons who is famouss fors the ki karoti tumi and the facts thats he hasen't seen any movie in theater since 2007 . Bar Bar. One of the most famous spot of the students from this department is the Lab 1, also un-officially called as PVR Priya. This is the only place you can get everything, the freedom to show the talent. Boys generally show their talent by using Mobile phone, slangs. The nerds and geeks show their talent by creating and introducing viruses in the PCs, harassing lecturers and Lab Assistants. And when girls come to show their talent, everyone, just watch their perfectly geometrical pair of talents.
Systems
Most of the systems in this department do work. Most of the systems in this department do actually work. Most of the systems in this department indeed and intentionally do work. Their job is to consume electricity and do nothing. In this way they help in increasing the annual power consumption, and hence statistics say that India is fast becoming a power consuming nation. They consume power in every thing they do, they do. As already said, this is the Department of Redundancy Department, so a student is supposed to take every exam at least two times. The department makes this sure, by suddenly turning off the power supply at the last half an hour of the practical exam. The students are un able to show their programs, and hence, they are supposed to take it once more.
Faculty
The faculty of this department follows the Uncertainty principle. "Thou can't simultaneously determine the location and identity of a faculty, unless you are pervasive in nature." Stated simply, it means that you can't find any faculty member when you need him the most. This is the concept of Faculty Hiding. This concept is a derivative of data hiding. They say that "Data is something you should be really ashamed of. And hence you should always write your code in such a way that no one, not even you or your code can ever ever access the data." You can easily frame easily frame the similar statement for faculty hiding.
Website
This department has a separate website, simply because of the fact that there are a lot of sites where webs can be found. The department believes in perfect harmony with nature, and ecological balance, so you might find a rat coming out of the CPU box, or a lizard sleeping comfortably on the keyboard. The people believe in Information Technology in almost every aspect, be it spam or anything else. To promote SPAMming, they have put the gMail id of every faculty member in a hyperlink format. This makes sure that they get at least 500^10 spam per second. In this way, they can also sue Google, which claims that their Gmail storage space is increasing exponentially, and is expected to fill up the entire vacuum space in the Universe, by the time you read this article. Anyways, the unofficial wes-bite of the department is this
[edit] Greatest Strength of BVP
After watching the hazardous effects of hacking the computer network, the university administration decided to take a very great step. They decided to shift all of their dependencies from Computer to paper and files. This is the greatest strength of BVP, Pune.This is
1. because no one can hack or crack into the system.
2. because it makes sure that things are not available when they are needed.
3. because it makes sure that the students have to submit at least 12 forms for five theory exams that they are supposed to take every semester.
4. because it makes sure that every form has twice the residential address, address for correspondence, permanent address and address of local guardian (if any).
5. because it makes sure that you are supposed to fill the name of university on every form.
6. because every dog has his day.
7. because i have been paid by the university administration to write suck a fucked up article.
8. the university fails student to earn money through revaluation form. and more surprising is the results are declared on the day of back log exam......
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
KEEP THE SPARK
Inaugural Speech for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program 2008
© Chetan Bhagat
Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.
Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.
I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?
Imagine the spark to be a lamp’s flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.
To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn’t any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.
Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement.
But it isn’t the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won’t be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday?
They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.
Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature’s design. Are you? Goals will help you do that.
I must add, don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school. Where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.
One last thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don’t be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.
I’ve told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.
Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you.
But it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.
Disappointment’s cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release.
Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts , having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.
Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you.
In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty darn lucky by Indian standards. Let’s be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don’t. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don’t get literary praise. It’s ok. I don’t look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It’s ok. Don’t let unfairness kill your spark.
Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.
There you go. I’ve told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.
I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, you eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.
Thank You.
© Chetan Bhagat
Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.
Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.
I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?
Imagine the spark to be a lamp’s flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.
To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn’t any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.
Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement.
But it isn’t the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won’t be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday?
They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.
Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature’s design. Are you? Goals will help you do that.
I must add, don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school. Where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.
One last thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don’t be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.
I’ve told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.
Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you.
But it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.
Disappointment’s cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release.
Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts , having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.
Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you.
In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty darn lucky by Indian standards. Let’s be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don’t. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don’t get literary praise. It’s ok. I don’t look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It’s ok. Don’t let unfairness kill your spark.
Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.
There you go. I’ve told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.
I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, you eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.
Thank You.
IITJEE -bakwas at best (by sarvesh)
The '''Indian Institutes of Technology''' is another name for IIT, which is the [[acronym]] for ''Institute of Infinite Tension'', ''Institute of Indian Technology'', etc. These institutes of so-called national importance were set up by the [[India]]n Parliament at seven campuses across India, decided purely on merits of political alliances of the ruling party. It was the mastermind of a certain [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] to reduce the average intelligence of Indians that led to the establishments of these institutes. Just like Zion in [[Matrix]], where 3% of the people who do not accept the [[Matrix]] are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, IITs were formed by the [[Government of India]] to gather at one place the 2% of the intelligentsia of the country and dumb them down.
==Admission==
The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for [[IQ:Sample test |IIT-JEE]] just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a [[girlfriend]]"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.
The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like [[Booze]], [[Drugs]], [[Crime]], [[Pr0n]] etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.
==Education==
The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being [[Pr0n]]. The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of [[internet]], provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.
The guys also learn how to make [[Age of Empires|50 palladins in 25 minutes]] and get [[Quake the Game|three frags per shot]]. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by [[eBay|selling]] [[MMS]] clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use [[Google]] adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a [[flat tyre|cardinal excuse]]. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "[[Five Point Someone]]: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT.
==Life and culture (or lack thereof) ==
When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being [[gay|happy among themselves]]. The girls in IITs, usually referred to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy.
==Alumni==
The alumni of these institutes have been very successful across the world (more in [[USA]] than in India). Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at [[Indian Institute of Management|IIMs]], or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a [[fetish]] for studies and end up in institutes like [[Massachusetts Institute Of Technology]]. An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads and one day hope to colonise the whole of MIT campus.
==Admission==
The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for [[IQ:Sample test |IIT-JEE]] just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a [[girlfriend]]"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.
The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like [[Booze]], [[Drugs]], [[Crime]], [[Pr0n]] etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.
==Education==
The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being [[Pr0n]]. The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of [[internet]], provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.
The guys also learn how to make [[Age of Empires|50 palladins in 25 minutes]] and get [[Quake the Game|three frags per shot]]. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by [[eBay|selling]] [[MMS]] clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use [[Google]] adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a [[flat tyre|cardinal excuse]]. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "[[Five Point Someone]]: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT.
==Life and culture (or lack thereof) ==
When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being [[gay|happy among themselves]]. The girls in IITs, usually referred to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy.
==Alumni==
The alumni of these institutes have been very successful across the world (more in [[USA]] than in India). Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at [[Indian Institute of Management|IIMs]], or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a [[fetish]] for studies and end up in institutes like [[Massachusetts Institute Of Technology]]. An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads and one day hope to colonise the whole of MIT campus.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Latest developments in Microsoft.NET
ASP.NET
ASP.NET is more than the next version of active server pages (APS) ----- it is the unified web development platform that provides the services necessary for developers to build enterprise-class web applications.ASP.NET is a compiled, .NET –based environment; you can author applications in any.NET compatible language, including ASP.NET Visual Basic .NET,C#, and the jscript.NET.Additionally, the entire .NET framework is available to any ASP.NET application.
Developers can choose from one of two features when creating an ASP.NET application, web services, or combine these in any way they see fit.
Web forms to allow you to build powerful forms-based web pages. When building these pages, you can use ASP.NET server controls to create common UI elements, and programs then from common tasks.
These controls to allow you to rapidly build a web form out of reusable built-in or custom components, simplifying the code of a page.
An XML web service provides the means to access server functionality remotely. Using web services, interfaces to their data or business logic, which is turn can be obtained and manipulated by client and server applications. XML web services enable the exchange of data in client-server or server- server scenarios, using standards like HTTP and XML messaging to move data across firewalls.
Each of these models can take full advantage of all ASP.NET framework and.NET framework common language runtime. These features and how you can use them are outlined as follow:
- If you have ASP development skills, the new ASP.NET programming model will seem very familiar to you. However, the ASP.NET object model has changed significantly from ASP, making it move structured and object oriented.
- Accessing database from ASP.NET application is an often-used technique for displaying data to website visitors. ASP.NET makes it easier then ever to access database for this purpose.
- ASP.NET provides a simple model that enables developers to write logic that runs at the application level. Developers can write this code in the global. Asax text files or in a compiled class deployed as an assembly.
- ASP.NET provides easy-to-use application and session-state-facilities that are familiar to ASP developers and readily compatible with all other .NET framework APIs.
- For advanced developers who wants to use APIs as powerful as the ISPI programming interfaces that were included with previous version of ASP, ASP.NET offer the IHttpHandler interfaces.
- ASP.NET takes advantage of performance enhancements found in the .NET framework and common language runtime.
- The. NET framework and ASP.NET provide default authorization and authentication schemes for web
application .
- ASP.NET configuration setting are stored in XML-based files , which are human readable and writable.
VB.NET
Visual basic .NET enable you to create rich application for Microsoft Windows in less time, incorporate data access from a wider range of database scenarios, create components with minimal code, and build web-based application using your exiting skills. Builds powerful windows-based applications in less time and more robust windows-based applications with less code.
1. Web-based applications
Helps to create web solutions in visual basic.NET using the shared web forms designer and HTML designer
2. Flexible, simplified data access
Offers support to tackle any data access scenario easily with Microsoft ADO.NET and Microsoft Active X Data objects (ADO) data access.
3. Improved coding
It brings a multitude of enhancements to the code editor, including enhanced intellisence , smart listing of code for greater readability , squiggles , and a background compiler for realtime notification of syntax .
4. Direct access to the platform
Features quick leverage of registry , eventlog , performance counters , and file system in user’ application and eliminates the need to use declared statements .
5. Full object-oriented constructs
Helps create reusable, enterprise-class code using full object-oriented constructs .Language features include full implementation inheritance, encapsulation ,and polymorphism .
6. XML Web services
The new XML .Web services project templates builds all underlying Web services enable you to call components running on any platform.
7. Mobile applications
These new features give developers a single, mobile Web interface to support a broad range of Web devices, including WWL 1.1 for WAP-enabled cellular phones , compact HTML (cHTML) for i-mode phones ,and HTML for pocket PC handheld devices , and pagers . Reach out to more than 80 different Internet-enabled mobile devices using the Microsoft mobile Internet Toolkit .
8. Com interoperability
This feature enables seamless bi-directional communication between Visual Basic 6.0 and Visual Basic Net applications.
Windows CE .NET Window CE .NET is the successor to Windows CE 3.0 Designed from the ground up for the embedded marketplace , Window CE .NET aims to deliver a robust realtime operating system for rapidly building the next generation of smart mobile and small footprint devices. With a complete operating system feature set and end-to-end development environment Windows CE-based devices that requires rich networking hard real time, and a small footprint , as well as rich multimedia and Web browsing capabilities. Windows CE .NET offers.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
NASSCOM Top 20 IT Software and Service Exporters FY07-08
1 Tata Consultancy Services Ltd.
2 Infosys Technologies Ltd.
3 Wipro Technologies Ltd.
4 Satyam Computer Services Ltd.
5 HCL Technologies Ltd.
6 Tech Mahindra Ltd.
7 Patni Computer Systems Ltd.
8 I-flex Solutions Ltd.
9 Mphasis an EDS company
10 Larsen & Toubro Infotech Ltd.
11 CSC in India
12 Aricent
13 Syntel Inc.
14 Prithvi Information Solutions Ltd.
15 Hexaware Technologies Ltd.
16 Polaris Software Lab Ltd.
17 NIIT Technologies Ltd.
18 Sonata Software Ltd.
19 Mastek Ltd.
20 Genpact India Pvt. Ltd.
2 Infosys Technologies Ltd.
3 Wipro Technologies Ltd.
4 Satyam Computer Services Ltd.
5 HCL Technologies Ltd.
6 Tech Mahindra Ltd.
7 Patni Computer Systems Ltd.
8 I-flex Solutions Ltd.
9 Mphasis an EDS company
10 Larsen & Toubro Infotech Ltd.
11 CSC in India
12 Aricent
13 Syntel Inc.
14 Prithvi Information Solutions Ltd.
15 Hexaware Technologies Ltd.
16 Polaris Software Lab Ltd.
17 NIIT Technologies Ltd.
18 Sonata Software Ltd.
19 Mastek Ltd.
20 Genpact India Pvt. Ltd.
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